First Audition, Winter 2003 Brooklyn

In March 2002, I took a monologue workshop with John Ruocco. An entry about this workshop, a day or two after we first met:

“The first day of this workshop, my heart was pounding: all the people there were professional/experienced actors, some had even worked with the director running the workshop, John Ruocco. There were four people in the workshop, including myself. The first person went up, and . . . she was great! I thought: I've made a mistake, I'm in over my head, I have ZERO experience (and probably even less facility), and I'm going to make a fool of myself.

Terrified, I was determined not to go last, and after the 3rd person finished, I put my hand up. I can't believe I was that brave -- at the time, I didn't feel brave . . . just . . . jumping in as if my life or something depended on it. All the monologues presented up to that point were contemporary, light . . . I did Hamlet: his last desperate soliloquy (4.4), alone on the fields of Denmark, after he meets the captain of Fortinbras' army, and How all occasions do inform against me. It's do-or-die time for Hamlet, and I knew, in that moment, exactly how he felt.

I was surprised (!). While part of John's job is to be supportive and encouraging, he said it was excellent, and seemed to be quite sincere about that: much better initial feedback than I expected, and I did better than I expected -- and I think, taking into account my lack of experience, I may have held my own against these more experienced actors. Whatever happened, I'm a 1000% more confident now to try auditions for small parts (off-off-Broadway stuff): I need experience. My goal was -- is -- to now experience dramatic production from the actor’s point of view rather than from the outside, from my role as stage manager. There I got the big picture. Now I want to experience being part of that machine -- Theatre: a vehicle for telling a story. I don't think I have ambitions to be actor, whatever that really means, but I find the work fascinating, and I'd like to participate at some level and be reasonably "good" at it -- how 'good' is good?

Good enoough to get a part.

I need to find two more "classical" monologues, but comic (something from Shakespeare -- and read the play -- and something from somewhere else).”

Fast forward to … today. I finally got headshots and put together a theatrical resume – all stage management, few if any classes. However, I have read and read that auditioning is simply a skill to acquire. So, with nothing more at stake than acquiring experience, today, I jumped in -- head first . . .

Audition: Ayn Rand’s Night of January 16th, cold reading, 12/5/2003 7PM (blizzard weekend.)
Director: Debbie King.
Location: Brooklyn, S. Oxford St., near intersection Lafayette & Fulton St.

Positives:
I took my time (following Harold Guskin’s great advice: ‘talking it off the page,’ from his “How To Stop Acting”).

I need to practice breathing before each line/phase so that it becomes automatic. Breathing will help keep the rhythm of 1) taking-it-off-the-page, 2) letting it effect me, and 3) delivery.

Problems:
- I Lost contact, at times, with the text. See “breathing: solution above – this may help.
- Played it safe, i.e., I put some attention on the goal of trying to be what I “think” the character is rather than just giving him time and breath without thought. Again – practice breathing before thinking, and then just LET GO and say the line -- let him talk.
- Once the director gives me an implicit signal to start, TAKE THE STAGE – the stage and time are mine. Don’t rush. Take control.