Mini-Rehearsal, Closet, Summer Play Festival, 2005.07.17

Another discouraging session with the director. Rehearsals are usually good, but the general discussions we have after are very discouraging. Tonight it was:

"You're making small choices."
"You're emotionally not there -- you're holding back."
"What's you're insecurity as an actor?"

The first two are reasonable (and on target), if you work those out in the context of rehearsal, in the context of specific trouble spots. It is clear however that she's frustrated and it suggests that she doesn't know what to do about what she sees as not going right -- but this was the worst way to approach the problem. General comments like this after rehearsal suggest nothing is going right, and I know it's not that bad.

The third question was ... weird. It was personal, and it made some pretty unflattering assumptions, assumptions I just don't share. She's not mean-spirited; I know she's trying to help, but this one I had to nip in the bud as quickly as possible.

I'm betting most actors, esp. new guys like me, hearing this kind of general feedback would be hearing that they "can't act." That's exactly what I'm hearing. While it's possible that I "can't act" in the same way that I "can't walk" if I use the muscles in my legs incorrectly, I don't believe that I "can't act" in principle. Nevertheless, this was quite discouraging. She's a good director, but she's young and inexperienced and she needs to learn how to give more constructive feedback.

I firmly believe three things:

1. I'm not that bad in the part.
2. I'm inexperienced and I can get better
3. While the director ms-handled communicating the problems I'm having, I do believe that she's identified real problems, but it's going to be up to me to identify and work through then, which is what I would have to do in any case, so this discouraging eposode with director really means nothing.
4. So . . work, Work, WORK!

ahhh . . . how, exactly?

Well, the first step is usually to try an identify the problem: It seems I'm having trouble trying to integrate 3 things:

1. The direction
2. My intuition/instinctual response that sometimes isn't in line with the direction
3. Listening and responding, which really affects #2, and leaves specific direction far behind.