Rehearsal, Closet, Summer Play Festival, 2005.07.16

Well, rarely am a ever insecure in rehearsal, and I not really an insecure "actor" (I'm as good as I am, and I'm fine with that -- though my burning ambition is to become a very good actor, & I always make sure to push myself, at the same time, I'm usually "happy /fine" with where ever I am at the moment. It's not an easy trick to do this, but it does help keep my head screwed on straight and helps keep me motivated).

However, I'm just not on the same page as the director as to what's going on in parts of the play and I also feel I'm flailing around at points, and the director seems to be losing patience -- she's a good director, but she seems to be getting frustrated: I'm trying out stronger choices and 200% commitment, but my biggest fear in rehearsal is getting yelled at in front of the other cast members after I attempt my best & then failing and worrying about what everyone else must be thinking -- fighting discouragement is my biggest battle now.

Solution

Just do it! Ignore other people's (possible) negative evaluations (what people might be thinking about me is all in my head -- I can't mind read, so they're just fears: ignore them!).

At home each night: ~2 hour self rehearsal. Run through sitting down and then 2-3 times on my feet.

and interestingly . . .

. . . I spontaneously discovered an interesting technique for working through trouble spots:

1. Really read the other's line, "listen" to it
2. Repeat out loud what I want
3. Say my line without "thinking" (i.e., w/out thinking about "how" to say it or what I should sound or look like.

I think it'll be well worth my time to turn this way of working into a habit.