Dramatic Impov 09 . 29 . 05 to 10 . 05 . 05 / Week 2, & How To Prepare . . .

Well, last week's homework was helpful (i.e. preparation -- not rehearsal), except for one thing -- I didn't at all take into account P's character. A real dumb mistake that resulted in a 'charming' scene, but w/out conflict or vulnerability . . . and given the magnitude of my mistake, I'm surprised it was not worse.

Other problems: we did not take advantage of opportunities in the scene to heighten conflict, reveal vulnerabilities, e.g., when P said "That man over there, he's looking at you," and later when I said, "Let's go back to the city," both P and I backed off, away from a confrontation. Fascinating. I really gave into wanting to be comfortable up there. But also, at the top of the improv., when I realized that I had forgotten to take P's character traits and likely wants into account, I was really throw right off the bat, right off the top, and really had little clue as to what I was fighting for. Man -- I've got a LOT to learn . . . (thank you!).

OK -- let's begin again . . .

My general description: this is a man who lives with the awareness that he is passionately attracted to other men. He lives in fear of it being recognized and struggles to hide what his father described as "girly behavior."

My attitudes/behaviors for scene: talkative, anxious, a bit silly and goes to talkative, defensive, anxious.

Her general description: this is a possessive and domineering woman, complusive and controlling who is more concerned with dignity and receiving the proper respect, and appearances in the marriage than in intimacy and sex.

Her attitudes/behaviors for scene: confident, controlling to hurt and vunerable

Scene 1. Setting/Circumstances: They've been married for 6 months. Tonight, they're having dinner. Opening line (her): Wow -- that cocktail really went to your head.

Scene 2. Setting/Circumstances: It's two years later. They are having coffee after their first visit to a marriage councilor. Open line (him/me): I can't believe he asked us to talk about our sex life.

Ok -- let's explore here, using the given circumstances, from the inside out:

Why is he drinking? People drink to be "more themselves," to act in ways that they'd like to act but are usually too inhibited. He's probably acting a bit gay and girly. (But -- how does he see himself -- how does he think he's acting/behaving)? I think it must hurt and then make him angry, her disapproval of his public behavior, and I don't think he likes being controlled, being told what to do, how to behave . . .

he goes from talkative, anxious, a bit silly and goes to talkative, defensive, anxious.

JZ's Question: Why did he marry her (i.e., something important is keeping him in this relationship -- what is it)? To please the world. She admired my style, my wit. She's intelligent.And she loves me, I think, and I've been so lonely, and I've really enjoyed having a friend, somehow who listened to me, liked me, respected me, and she was someone that I respected -- she knows how the world works, and sex . . . isn't that big of a deal for her. We're a couple of the "mind," not the body.

JZ's Question: How does he feel about her right now? Where's the love, the conflict? She was, IS, my best friend, I really do like her, but over the last 6 months, I'm aware that I'm working pretty hard to love her, and her controlling, critical nature is starting to get to me -- doesn't she appreciate all the work I'm doing?! I'm doing the best I can to be in this relationship, to appear proper, respectable. Can't she just let me alone on vacation? That's why I wanted this vacation. I thought it would be fun, and I thought . . . she would love that other side of me . . . (HERE'S WHERE HE'S VUNERABLE) Do I always have to be on? I really resent her domineering, critical attitude. Why is she making a big deal out of how I'm behaving . . . if only I could get her to feel what I'm feeling (which is really tied up with his true inner self -- NYC externalizes everything he really is), it would be so much easier for me in this relationship.

Scene 1. Setting/Circumstances: They've been married for 6 months. Tonight, they're having dinner. Opening line (her): Wow -- that cocktail really went to your head.

          what's he talking about/doing before she says Wow -- that cocktail really went to your head?

ME: Look at it P (his hand eloquently holding the cocktail glass, sweeping across the expansive night view of the city -- Starry-Starry-Nite). I love NYC because it's so expressive. It's embodied expressionism. Expressionism developed during the late 19th and early 20th centuries. Expressionis was opposed to academic standards that had prevailed in Europe, standards that upheld representing the world as it is -- Vermeer, christ! He might has well have had a camera! The expressionist held the highest standard to be the artist's subjective experience. That's where truth was found, that's where eternity is found, where everything is found. There's nothing wrong with these people, how they are, how they live, breathe, each heart beat, free. It's freedom. They've thrown off the yoke of conventional thinking. Everything everyone hates them for -- that's what makes them beautiful ...

OR ... I've just shown her this crazy amazing dance move: I think we should take a dance class, not waltzing -- salsa! Cha-cha! I'm going to bring us alive. I sit down, and she says:

HER: Wow -- that cocktail really went to your head

(ouch! A slap in the face? Deflated? This is my "moment before," what we're going to have a fight about).

What am I fighting for? Drinking, being drunk makes me feel like fighting for what I want. To make her see that there's nothing wrong with the way I'm behaving, what makes my heart soar, that there's nothing wrong with me, and it doesn't mean I'm gay! I'm not a girl! I'm going to change her -- make her accept me, the fun, flambouint, expressive, expansive, colorful me . . . she's trying to change me, trying to make me act/be a certain way. Ok --let's play. Let's see who can change who. REALLY watch her -- is she coming around to my side? Am I winning?

Vunerability: why can't she just accept me, why can't she just love me as I am? It's lonely when you're not good enough . . .

Opposites: go back and forth between fighting and being hurt, reaching out and hitting back -- really reach out, BEG/PLED, and then hit back, HARD!!!!!! (but only if I don't get what I want). Act with her -- not over her.

<Man -- great acting is highly, HIGHLY, skilled labor>

NOTE: he's drunk -- be boyish, silly <- JZ's note. Be silly, feminize it

Find as many ways as I can to fight for this -- to make her love that other side me, to accept that other side of me. Charm her, revile her (which is more like hitting back, if I can't win), beg her, be even more what she's disapproving of.

<Enough for tonight>

Scene 2. Setting/Circumstances: It's two years later. They are having coffee after their first visit to a marriage councilor. Open line (him/me): I can't believe he asked us to talk about our sex life.

<There's a key to this scene -- once I find it, it'll unlock, but . . . I haven't found it yet: Something life and death is going on here -- what!!!!!>

JZ's Question: How do I feel about her, us, right now? Why did I say this? The problem isn't me! It's her! She's driving me crazy! What the hell's that got to doing with anything?

My attitudes/behaviors for scene: talkative, anxious, a bit silly and goes to talkative, defensive, anxious.

I think he's really frustrated now. He was hoping to get the councilor on his side (can't he see the way she is? The problem isn't me -- there's nothing wrong with me -- it's the way she's acting!)

JZ's Question:What's changed? The pressure to be "normal" has really grown. I feel completely crushed.

JZ's Question: What frightens me? That I'm going to disappear.

What am I fighting for? I've got to get her to back off. Turn it around. It's her that's got the problem, not me. Don't talk about me at all. If she would just stop trying to change me, everything would be perfect.

Bottom lines: scene1 -- fighting for: change her-make her accept me.
                       scene2 -- fiighting for: change her-make her stop, put her on the defensive.

Tonight:

• Understand/breathe in the homework
• then breathe-listen-react, w/out thinking -- follow all impluses

Post-Class review

OK -- it went very well, and I now finally understand, and have a basis, for how to "prepare" as opposed to "rehearse," two processes I've never fully separated until now. And I like to write, so this particular technique is great -- write it all out. Further, a solid "preparation" technique is critical for readings. I think when I'm on the road, I'm going to bring a little notebook with me and start writing as part of my preparation when I'm out there, in the big city.

Other notes and tips:

1. Definitely spend time, a lot of time, on the other character -- what they are like, what they want. For readings, this is critical. Do exactly what I've done above, but do an even better job than I've done here.

2. Overall, I felt that what I was fighting for got a bit fuzzy in scene 2.
    Insight: Always when I saw great performances, I always noticed how simple it was, one simple thing was always there, and I don't think I've ever fully understand what's going on, but I think it's this:

               . . . a single goal ('what am I fighting for?'), pursued w/many different strategies.

    No wonder Shurtleff (Audition), and others, stress this so much. I'm doing so much up there, all this work, but in some sense, my attention and what I'm after (I'm embarrassed to say) has been all over the place. Much of the time in these improvs, I've been "trying to be good," and doing whatever makes sense with that goal in mind. In other words, I'm groping or outright flailing.

 . . . a single goal ('what am I fighting for?'), pursued w/many different strategies . . .

This is a great constraint on things -- powerful constraints on any complex activity forces and creates efficiency and creativity through the application of focus and imagination.

OK -- so this is the top single thing I need to get good at. And it doesn't come out of the blue, I suspect. I strongly suspect that many times it comes out of the type of preparation I did above, tackling the text from many different directions, asking the right questions. In short, my ability to find what the character is fighting for in a way that I deeply understand and connect with will be a function of how well I can hone my dramatic instincts to uncover dramatic structure. If I can really see the whole world for that character in that piece, see what's really at stake for him, I'll have come a long way in my preparation for that role.

3. What a character is fighting for often seems to come out of their vulnerabilities. For example, in one scene, a woman is wary of a male co-worker asking her out on a date. She's afraid to take a chance, afraid she won't get what she most needs in a relationship. She's very vulnerable (for whatever set of reasons -- hopefully the text will provide clues) when she doesn't get what she needs. She fighting to take a chance. Questioning him, watching, evaluating, testing, challenging him. Starting with vulnerabilities helps makes finding what the character is fighting for much easier.