Shit! (my first profanity in this journal). O coward conscience, how dost thou afflict me!

One of my goals was to do a 30sec monologue for the (becoming wildly popular) Manhattan Monologue Slam. I told a young woman I know, Sam, at one of our cold reading workouts, that I was going to do this, so she got very excited and said she would too. As time went on, I got too busy to work on this, but Sam started writing something. Then, a few days ago, when I asked her how things were going, she e-mailed and she wasn't going to do it.

I understood -- it's very competitive, and you're very visible, and the best of best of the the working/professional New York City theatre scene is there . . . and it got me off the hook. I e-mailed back (to make her feel better) that it's probably not a big deal, one way or another to do it, but we made plans to go to MMS tonight anyway.

This morning, however, I realized I needed to prepare for a class on Wednesday, so I cancelled on Sam, but told her, if she still decided to go, to tell me how it went.

Tonight, I got this from her:

              you suck.

              i, however, auditioned tonight. =) and i actually had fun. the talent was amazing, so the competition was fierce. i didn't make it to the top 6, but i did have several ppl tell me that they liked what i did, and one said that she'd like to see me do the whole thing. thought that was pretty cool.

              i'm definitely working on something for next month. if for no other reason than that i have to. it's like a kamikaze mission. you can't not do it. and as long as you keep going, you know you're doing something right.

              i'm sorry you missed it. but then again, it was probably easier to throw myself up there on my own anyway.

              sam

Shit! She's right. I do suck! Dammit -- I really admire her so much for getting up there and doing it. Now I have to do it!

. . . now you know, there is a difference between knowing the path and walking the path.

               -Morpheus, The Matrix, 1999