Ok, this is a tough part of the scene for me:
Question: So you asked Rosemary to marry you. Now you regret it, when you think about it, which isn't often . . . don't you want to get married?
I don't know. I'm so old now. It seems like such a youthful -- foolish? -- thing to do. And I'm not unhappy, I'm really not. Sure, it's lonely, but you get used to that . . . even enjoy it sometimes. I have my store, my business, I'm settled, comfortable. Rosemary is . . . well, she's my friend. We're friends, really . . . we're not doing all that silly stuff that all the young people do, all the running around as if it's all the end, or the beginning, of the world.
Question: Ok, but you asked Rosemary. Now you haven't talked about it since, but . . . do you think she's just going to forget about it? You really can't see yourself married? Have you ever thought about it? What's been your thinking about all this since you asked her. Did you change your mind?
I guess I just never really have thought about it, about what R really thought. I always assume she's as happy with things as I am. Me? Married? Look, I shouldn't have proposed. I'm happy and comfortable and I don't want to change, I don't feel like changing. Why should I change? I can't imagine it. I'm not sure how or what it means to be a husband, or how to do that. It's scary.
Question: What if Rosemary asks you about it. Have you thought about what you'd say, if you were really honest?
I guess I would say what I've just said: It's too late now. I don't feel a need for it. I'm happy with the way things are . . . or at least I'm not unhappy, and that's comfortable . . . more comfortable then change.
<NOTE: Have I found enough motivation for Howard? Is it really just this? I do think it is this AND that that fact that Rosemary is pushing for an answer right now. From Rosemary's perspective, it looks like H doesn't love her, at least not enough, and I don't think Howard knows, at this moment.
I think a lot of "common" wisdom would tell one to build up some huge trauma for H, creating serious reasons why he doesn't want to get married, but even if I did that, how would it really help me? If the above are H's reasons, I can definitely empathize/identify with those. And in this scene (which isn't about H's reasons) it's enough for R and the audience to know that he obviously does not want to move ahead, and this is VERY BAD given that Rosemary so painfully, desperately needs to be married NOW! I guess I'm making choices within or constrained by what makes the scene work and Rosemary's role in it. The scene is not a one-man show about a guy who's so traumatized that he can't get married, so I just haven't tried to create that . . . I'm hoping that was the right decision>.
Beat 4. This seems to be a "technical" beat for me -- there are certain things I want to happen, and I'll need to rehearse/practice them . . . at least we'll see how that works out. At the end of beat #3, I really need to have my attention fully on getting home -- that's what I'm doing, that I've been trying to do . . . and then Rosemary brings that action to a screeching halt.
Technical note 2: Rosemary is doing a lot of talking here -- I need to be listening, hearing what she's saying, and reacting to that -- with the goal of trying to comfort her and change her mind about how she's looking at things, to feel about things the way I do. So, even though R is doing all the talking, I'll be constructing counter-augments inside while R is talking. Both characters, I think, are being very honest about their feelings here . . .
Technical note 3: Howards gets cut off a few times -- know what he would say if she hadn't cut him off . . .
What I'm doing in this beat, however, is three things.
- I don't want to get married for reasons X, Y, and Z, and so I'm simply trying to tell Rosemary that: I'm telling her I changed my mind about wanting to get married, and
- I care for her so I'm 2) trying to comfort her and change her mind about how she's looking at things, to feel about things the way I do, i.e., it's not so bad. This is important because if I can succeed, then she will feel better, we won't be at odds, and I get what I want: I'm happy and comfortable
- the beat ends with more pressure from Rosemary, so again, I'm tying to get away
<NOTE: What I want -- leads to --> action -- leads to --> reaction, what really happens in the scene. What if I got a different reaction, i.e., what if I got what I wanted here in this beat? There's one consistent thing missing in the scene, and that's clear hopes & expectations. Improvising the scene where I get exactly what I want might be a good way to better imagine what I want...>
Howard.
We'll talk it over Saturday.
Rosemary.
We'll talk it over now.
[Damn! Now what? I'm so tired, I've got to get out of here...]
Howard.
Well -- honey -- I
[Technical note: I really need to have my attention fully on getting home, and then R says . . . The trick (for me) is that the more attention I can put here, on getting home, then the more I'm taken by surprise, and that starts this whole beat off (for me) on the perfect foot]
[12 . 12 . 2005 NOTE: NOT SPECIFIC ENOUGH! Specifics are everything! (So I'm thinking too much, and worse, it's all general: two basic annoying problems). Before the show, I set my watch to 12:30am. When I got to this part of the scene, I knew exactly what time I had to get up, 8am, to get to the courthouse, and I'm busy calculating how much sleep I'm going to get if I leave right now, and I'm going to tell her/show her how little time I have and -- bam! She hit's me with "you said you were gonna marry me..."]
Rosemary.
You said you were gonna marry me, Howard. You said when I got back from my vacation, you'd be waitin' with the preacher.
[this triggers a lie, trying to get out of it]
Howard.
Honey, I've had an awful busy summer and . . . [I just didn't have time with everything, and ...]
Rosemary.
Where's the preacher Howard? Where is he?
[decide to simply tell her the truth. See the above preparation, the question: What if Rosemary asks you about it. Have you thought about what you'd say, if you were really honest?]
[12 . 12 . 2005 NOTE: This transistion always felt awkward. It's easy to imagine him fumbling or building up courage to tell the truth, but ... just try to do 'that'. Instead, I got more specific, in a way, i.e., it really helped to continue, inside, to try to come up with another lie or excuse, try to think of something else . . . and then . . . just give up and decide to tell her the truth. Quite naturally, my shoulders and chest spontaneously relaxed -- trying to lie, trying to get out of it spontaneously got me a bit tense. Just doing these two things -- my body reacted as if I was really doing this, at least most of the time].
Howard.
Rosemary, I'm 42 years old. A person forms certain ways of living, and then one day, it's too late to change.
<Technical note: Rosemary is going to be doing a lot of the talking . . . sketch in what each section might trigger while R is talking. If Howard reacts, and he does while she's talking, these are likely places]
Rosemary.
Come back here Howard. I'm no spring chicken either. Maybe I'm a little older than you think I am.
[H is thinking: did she lie? how old is she?]
I've formed my ways too, but they can be changed. The gotta be changed.
[H is thinking/feeling: I don't want to/feel like changing]
It's no good livin' like this,in rented rooms, meeting a bunch of old maids for supper every night, then coming back home alone.
[well, it's how you look at it. it's no bed of roses either, but what life is? And ... it's not so bad, really . . .]
Howard.
I know how it is Rosemary. My life's no bed of roses either.
[A line reading to myself: end this sentence on an up inflection rather than a down, if I can do it naturally. Given the goal of trying to comfort her while trying to change her mind about how she's looking at things, I'm hearing an implied "but" at the end. That should come out naturally if I'm really trying to do this -- we'll see]
Rosmary.
Then why don't you do something about it?
Howard.
I figure -- there's some bad things about every life.
[another implied but at the end here, e.g., but it's not so bad really . . .]
Rosemary.
There too much bad about mine.
[she's really suffering]
Each year, I keep telling myself, is the last. Something'll happen. Then nothing ever does . . . except I get a little crazier all the time.
[Now H wants to say something, but he gets cut off after "well"]
Howard.
Well ...[. . . honey, it's just how you look it at . . . we have very nice lives, each other . . .]
Rosemary.
A well's a hole in the ground Howard. Be careful you don't fall in.
[at this point, just reacting emotionally to whatever she's giving me, e.g., angry, sadness . . . I'm just trying to help...]
Howard.
I wasn't trying to be funny.
Rosemary.
And all this time you just been leading me on.
Howard.
Rosemary, that's not so. I've not been trying to lead you on.
Rosemary.
I'd like to know what else you call it.
Howard.
Well, can't we talk about this Saturday? I'm dead tired and I've got a busy week ahead, and . . . [I've got to get up early to drive back to the courthouse at 10 when it opens...]
