June 2006 Archives
Twice a month, I'm going to see an Off-Broadway production (rather than an off-off-...-Off-Broadway), because I want to see myself doing that; I want to have a clear image, dreams and visions of performing at that level. Once I perform at that level, then I can die, or at some point later, but not before . . .
Primal obsession, & terrifying: the deepest of part of you, more real than anything, and it's ugly, weak, destructive: its actions, what it wants, the energy, the experience, all want expression in the universe. The behavior, the choices -- there's nothing else: there's no thought of not acting on what you are really, Really feeling, because nothing exists outside of that, so there's nothing to stop it; there's no where else to go . . .
- the challenge for the Cagelove actors, in my opinion, to bring to life -- and they did just that: the vertical work
See myself doing this, Off-Broadway.
What I saw (the horizontal)
- full breath before speaking, didn't start until they were ready, and then
- no pauses or breaks (except for a breath) until the end of a thought
- pauses: where the character is searching, thinking of what to say, before saying something, the character, not the actor.
Prayer: let me live another 50 years, 50 years to do this, to grow old and learn to do this, 50 good years more, 50 years in shape, 50 years in heart, in mind, in body, 50 more years, that's all I ask . . .
Blocking:
- stillness -- then movement with purpose, but almost intuitive . . . a difficult talk, an uncomfortable moment, you go to the window -- why? You're getting ready to hear or to speak; this blocking did not seemed planned, little seemed choreographed.
- deciding to kiss her sister's fiancé . . . her right foot moved, just a couple of inches, stopped, paused, another tiny movement forward, stopped, paused . . . then, decision: up, walking towards him. Deciding, deciding, . . . decision, all was still except for her right down stage foot. It was amazing. Planned or inspiration? Planned, I think.
- Some of the movement, the pauses before movement, seemed well rehearsed, but not so much that the blocking lacked life.
- While there were some exceptions, moments of theatricality, I got the sense that all the blocking supported the action, or reinforced what was going on with the characters: it wasn't just a nice stage picture.
Goal & Focusing Only On What I Want -- I am what I do
I've got to find out what it's like to work at this level, at an Off-Broadway level. I resolve to use the off-Off-Broadway circuit to learn, to grow, but my target is Off-Broadway, to work with people who are really doing it, who have given and done what it takes to get there (even though, really, there is no there there, Gertrude Stein (Everybody's Autobiography) -- rather it's the doing it: I am what I do).
Excellence is an art won by training and habituation. We do not act rightly because we have virtue or excellence, but we rather have those because we have acted rightly. We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit.
~Aristotle
I've started working with Deborah Carlson Word of Mouth @ A/C Studios:
Technique Will Hold You ... "joans voicess" Closes
Deborah Carlson is one of the few New York City actors that teaches an approach grounded in the work of Patsy Rodenburg.
While not anti-method, this approach foregrounds the importance of the text and trains one in a physical technique of breathe and voice/body.
Rather than try to abstractly discuss this type of approach to acting, I'm simply going to record my class notes, in the hopes that this will accelerate my grounding in this technique.
Most of my focus so far has been on monologues, how to rehearse them, how to perform them. Here are some answers to questions I had about monologues:
A good friend Ivana wrote me after the close of the show on June 4th, Sunday, 2006:
Hey Christopher,
I'm so glad we came to see your play. You did a really nice job. It's a huge step for you to play that role after being at Weist Barron and you could definitely hold your own. I was proud of you:))
Anyway, stop by the bar when you get a chance.
Talk to you soon
Ivana
I wrote back:
Hey Ivana,
that's very kind and generous of you to say that -- thank you very much.
It was really a great learning experience, and what really helped was finding a very good coach/teacher (Deborah Carlson, 'Word Of Mouth Studios') who's teaching me (finally!) good physical technique. Performing and training at the same time -- it's tough, but it's the best! I'll tell you the two biggest lessons I learned (and you'll definitely appreciate one of them). On Sunday, the closing day, I was so "off" (I felt): couldn't concentrate on anything (except how bad I thought I was doing): not really listening or reacting, and just saying lines with nothing behind them, and for the first time ever, wishing I was anywhere BUT on that stage -- sounds pretty bad huh?
The person I'm working with, Deborah, (Jill, the woman who played Joan is working with her too) was there, and after I told her that, despite how much I was trying to do what she was teaching me, I felt I was having a terrible performance, and she said -- she didn't see any of that stuff (?!). She said that I was learning exactly what I needed to do: that "technique will hold you" when all else fails. That's what she saw, i.e., she saw me doing my job (playing Charles to tell the story of Joan), and she never knew I wasn't "feeling it." Now, it wasn't a great performance (because I was so caught up in how badly I thought I was doing), but I was still "there" and she never noticed that I was having all these troubles because I was sticking with my technique -- in fact, I was clinging to it!
The other huge lesson was Jill (Joan) -- Jill was doing a GREAT job: really listening and reacting to everything, better than I had ever seen her, and when she talked to me, she really TALKED TO ME, so much so, so real, that I HAD TO listen and react. In fact, she grabbed me a couple to make sure I was paying attention to her. If you have a partner that's really DOING everything, that helps you out so much -- it really helped me: it fact -- it saved me that afternoon.
Technique and great acting partners -- you have those two things, no matter what, you'll be fine up there, even if you feel you're having the worse performance of your life.
OK -- now on to the next part!
- Cheers,
Christopher
Overall, I didn't do too bad -- I consistently felt that I was now running up against some of my limitations, esp. with such a large role, and the lack of physical training and technique made itself quite apparent: without seriously improved physical training with my voice and breathe and applying that to text, I won't be able to reach the next level, whatever that is.
However, with the new things I've been learning, the new technique class I'm taking this summer with Deborah that should directly address all the weak spots I've been struggling with -- really -- since I began, I have a feeling that I'll soon be leaving my current level of performance behind forever and stepping onto a larger stage in terms of what I can do, what I can bring to a role, what I can bring to life.
A step unto new ground, into a new space . . . where I want to go . . where I need to go . . .
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