Lessons from my last monologue audition

My auditions have been getting better -- not steadily, but more think small but significant leaps forward after periods where I don't seem to be getting better at all, yet I continue to work and push, and I think that's the key to my growth (think Punctuated Equilibrium):

. . . instead of a slow, continuous movement, evolution tends to be characterized by long periods of virtual standstill ("equilibrium"), "punctuated" by episodes of very fast development of new forms.

Having a difficult audition is painful, but they're incredibly useful, if I can learn from them. Here's what I've learned:

I think the basis of a good monologue is a attention and concentration: if you're not paying attention to the correct things and/or if you're not fully concentrating for whatever reason, the audition will just not be what it could be. Specifically:

Breathing -- usually during a monologue that's not going as well as I know it could, my attention is often automatically drawn to my breathing pattern, and the pattern is -- I'm NOT breathing, and then I notice it, and it's also somewhat distracting.
Not really, in some fundamental sense, being myself. I'm trying to be my "idea" of the character or what I "should be" like doing the monologue instead of just being myself in the imaginary circumstances of the piece. I think this is one key to ultimate success: having a strong technique that opens you up, grounds you in the text, but letting your unique self always come through.
Make it real. Really "doing it," what ever that is in the monologue. Just have to accept that it's all REAL.
Finally, my exit is sloppy: ending the monologue and especially leaving the audition room has been somewhat awkward lately.

Solutions:

Daily monologue practice: I'm not sure of the cause and effect, but when I when I stop breathing, I can feel myself starting to act from my head, i.e., figuring out how to do the monologue on the fly, thinking before I speak -- I can actually feel the energy go "up" away from my body and feelings. Acting is thinking and feeling at the same time -- I don't know if it's possible to err on the side of feeling without thinking, but it's definitely possible (at least for me) to think without feeling.

So -- do this:

Practice the monologue completely still -- the only thing I should be doing is breathing as deeply as I can ("letting the breath drop") and communicating what I intend to communicate. I'm holding" before I speak, and that somehow involves pushing with my body or head, trying to "making" something happen instead of letting it happen (see The Actor Speaks, exercise 51, p. 176). Get in the habit of just "breathe and speak." Also, I'm breaking my monologues up with a lot of pauses -- I'm not "holding the thought" (the way Mickey Rourke does so well in Rumble Fish), instead I'm waiting for the next thought. If I'm not breathing for whatever reason, I "think" I stop thinking, and I also have not really found the thoughts of the character. As people talk, there are short pauses between new thoughts, but the thoughts come up automatically. Take Deborah's suggestion and find and memorize a monologue "thought-by-thought."
Practice just being myself. I know when I'm trying to act in accordance with an idea of the character or some idea of what I should be like. When I find myself doing that -- just stop. Commit to being myself. Acting is really, ideally, a spontaneous improv, letting things happen. Often a character/parts of me will emerge that I didn't "plan" or "figure out."
Find/expect/practice this shift: accept that it's all REAL.
Simply start practicing saying "thank you" and leaving the audition room -- I've been practicing everything but not the ending.