The Great Joy & Purpose Of My Life
My monologues and cold reading auditions have been going well -- surprisingly well: I've been getting called back (maybe about 1/3 of the time), and I've been thinking my way through my monologues, moment by moment, and the same with my cold readings.
While I haven't yet been cast in anything -- I'm not concerned. What I have control over, what my targets are during an audition, i.e., moment-by-moment, not knowing/anticipating what I'm going to feel & think until I do feel and think, concentration, the characters thoughts & words coming out as easily and naturally as my own, all this is what I'm constantly striving towards, and to see it start to happen during real auditions is enormously gratifying. That's what I want -- and I want more of that, to get better and better at that.
Last night, after an audition in Jersey City, just across from the west side of lower Manhattan and Battery Park and it's "Sex-In-City" Skyline, I noticed again that I can get surprisingly shy during and after an audition -- and I think I know know why:
often, especially if the writing is great and I'm connecting (i.e., I'm doing it well), I feel a bit like a different person, and I often feel the character is more interesting than me -- braver somehow -- so I get quiet. I tend to be quiet anyway with people I don't know, but in some ways, it's more fun, easier, in a way, to be a character, i.e., say his words, interact with the other characters the way he does, then to be myself. I only feel this way when I'm really acting well. I don't think it's healthy to let one's "work" replace self and life, to only have "pretend" -- yet, there's something attractive about that, drawing me to it, i.e., getting lost in pretend. I just want to have something to come back to.
The other experience I have, when I'm doing it well, is the feeling that I want to live forever so I can keep doing it, always.
Acting, theatre, art -- only that makes me want to live forever. It feels more real, sometimes, than real life. I think this is fine, and I feel blessed to be so . . . what? bonded to, in-love with? . . . I don't know, but it's great to know this thing called "acting" exists, and I that I can go into it as far as I can. What's missing sometimes is life itself: real change, real challenge (though trying to get great at acting, trying to make a living at, it is no small or mean challenge), real "things" I need to grapple with. It's not good to just hide behind a character and a script.
I sense/intuit that bringing this "The Joy & Purpose Of My Life" into a wider act of creation -- my life, love -- is the answer. I need to do both, for both's sake . . .
Further Reading About Acting, Theatre & Film . . .
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It's always interesting to see what other people enjoy in their life. To see what drives them and pushes them forward. I liked reading about your great joy. Camus once wrote about Sisyphus and his "punishment" and how over time, it became a labor of love. Even though he was ever-bound to his obligation, repeating it over and over... he gleaned much satisfaction.
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Thanks for the comment Andrew. So you're a Jewelry Designer? Do you have a web site of your work? What is the Oracle cards? Let me know, and I'll include your blog in my blogroll.
- Cheers,
Christopher