Letting Go -- No Fear

Email to Deborah @ Word Of Mouth Studios:

Hey Deb,

I had an interesting Angel Heart rehearsal tonight -- I finally stopped (as best I could) trying to act: it's a bit hard to explain, but I just started to let go (as best I could) of trying to do something and instead just applied what I've been learning in Word of Mouth and just LET things happen:

Krusmark "realized," Krusmark "brought to life," Krusmark "in the moment," has nothing to do with how I think or feel he should be: Krusmark "realized/brought to life/in the moment" is just breathing the text, getting out of the way, and letting the text effect me -- what happens IS "Krusmark," and . . . he's unplanned and he's a surprise!

Getting out of my own way has a lot to do with just accepting what Krusmark "is" ( i.e., letting the words effect me) and not trying to do anything more. Rehearsal and acting now get exciting. Without this, it can be a strain and a chore.

I think "trying" to act, in some ways, is a way to insure that I do "act" because I'm afraid to hand control over to what I've been learning. That is, what if I let go, and -- I can't act? Or nothing happens? Or the wrong thing happens? "Trying" to act is the very definition of control -- when what I really need to be practicing is Trust.

OK -- finally, I think I'm starting to "get it," and "doing it" is a kind of surrender and trust, and (at least for me), that's something I have to practice and get better at.

Now -- the next steps are learning to listen better, letting my partner affect me the way the text affects me: trusting that relationship to create the scene rather than trying to "drive" or "control" the scene somehow (again, in a well-intentioned but ultimately misguided attempt to be "good" or get it "Right).

Just letting go.