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Rehearsal @ Impact

Shrdlu

Don't Panic!!

Another rough night -- not tech (no tech guy tonight), and not dress, yet . . . but awful: missed cues, low energy.

Troubles:

1. Last night I was "off" compared to Sunday's run-through which was quite good. Ok -- no big deal.

2. But tonight, slow to pick up on cues (again) and this lead to Ron interjecting "pace, pace!" telling me to speed it up, then Zero, or me -- I don't know -- jumped a section, and it was all downhill after that. Now Ron wants to re-block a section of the scene, but I think this will be a mistake -- blocking is not the problem. Hummm -- the old observation applies: it's easier to stay out of trouble than it is to get out trouble.

Solutions:

1. Work my "beats" and cues -- see 2004.07.06 entry.

2. Perform as I rehearsed it -- tell Ron, if it comes up, that the scene's blocking is working -- if I pick up my cues.

. . . that's it.

Rehearsal @ Impact

Rehearsal Technique: General/Specific Insights/Principles

Last night, a psedu-tech rehearsal, either I was not picking up my cues or Dan was not -- either way, it diminished the moment-by-moment, the scene like a big fat plane that lumbered down the runway without ever taking off.

Note: People can panic. I heard the comment (generalizing here) that doing or not doing such and such "kills it!!!" It's critical to avoid black&white, catastrophic thinking. When it comes to negative events that WILL happen at some point, catastrophic thinking is a concentration-motivation killer. It's not the event (necessarily) that "kills it" -- it's the belief about the event that "kills it."

A final note -- in the final days of rehearsal, w/much of the chronic problems of the performance solved, I seem to be struggling primarily w/my attitude and managing my expectations and "experience" -- not Shrdlu's experience, my experience, as an actor, struggling to be professional, struggling to perform optimally, believing that however well I'm doing, it is, and will be, good enough.

Christopher (not Shrdlu)

A prayer. If I start to to feel bad/down about the theatre, my cast-mates, the sets, the lights, the props, fill my heart w/love for whatever it is I'm freaking out about. Let me see it as precious gold. Let me see the theatre (and everything in it) as a holy, glorious, wonderful place, and let me see my time there as the greatest gift, as if I was just born there, in a magic place that's there to support me in whatever I choose to do, and that it's the best thing that ever happened to me. Let me see everything in the theatre as a sacred object and me as the luckiest person in the world to be there -- because it is, and I am.

This is my prayer in those times.

Rehearsal @ Impact

Rehearsal Technique: General/Specific Insights/Principles

Rough night – tech cues. I found the hot lights uncomfortable and distracting.

I tried to apply yesterday’s answer to: what is “good” acting, and I didn’t get very far.
However, I did seem to learn another important lesion: when the going gets rough, i.e., when I’m “off,” lost, feeling foolish, thinking I’m doing terribly, COMMIT fully, right then and goddamn there, to WHATEVER is happening: turn my attention onto my partner, onto the stage, onto anything, but shift my attention onto something that has to do with Shrdlu and his world.

Shrdlu

Technical problem: the end of the first scene, the last beat. Solve this/nail it down. It’s the last piece of this scene that’s not yet stable.

Post-script: after tonight’s rehearsal, I mentioned to Dan that I found the above helpful (getting my attention back on the scene) and he said I discovered the first lesson of Meisner: when you get into any kind of trouble (e.g., negative distracting thinking), always turn your attention to your partner.

Rehearsal @ Impact last night and today, by myself, in the loft.

Rehearsal Technique: General/Specific Insights/Principles

Did not rehearse much last night, but we did work on scene 2, and it was rough.

Today, I finally did a backward-sequential analysis of this scene (see Backwards and Forwards by David Ball), a technique that’s helped me so much in play/scene analysis, and scene 2 is much clearer to me now . I don’t know that the hell took me so long to do this – next time, do this earlier: it may save me time in getting a grip on the structure of the scene.

One the big lessons I learned last night is how important it is to listen – this is a habit and skill. I continually need to develop it: if a scene is like something burning, something on fire, then listening is like wind, an rush of oxygen feeding the flames. I suspect listening makes the actor’s job much easier.

Shrdlu

Shrdlu’s responses are the complete opposite of mine. I’m still working externally, i.e., from the outside-->in, and in lieu of that, sculpting the performance, “creating” Shrdlu rather then “being” Shrdlu. My personality helps; my response to inner imagined “objects” are real, but that’s it – I’m just not at all this guy in terms of how he sees himself or his world, and I definitely do not have his values. He’s really quite an extreme character.

Question: What is "good" acting?
Answer: (procedurally, from a ‘prepare/homework/rehearse’ perspective), acting is . . .

1. A deep, damn deep, understanding of the text, what the character wants.
2. On stage, listening to my partner.

… not a full answer to this question, but this is probably close to 90% of acting.

Rehearsal in the loft, Brooklyn, #4

Rehearsal Technique: General/Specific Insights/Principles

Fascinating – I’m now doing very specific-based rehearsals, choreographing, fine tuning, taking into account the micro-structure of the text, e.g., specific word order, punctuation. I think that after a deep cognitive understanding of the character, the objectives, the scene, this may be a natural phase in the rehearsal process, and even more fascinating, the text seems becomes even more critical or useful at this stage – at this stage, while the lines are memorized, it’s more important than ever to work closely with the physical text, esp. if I’m having trouble with “dead spots,” points of the text I simply don’t get, or if certain choices are clumsy or awkward.

Truth (verses “dead spots”):

Flow, immersion, belief: great performances come out of a belief in each moment. Mamet says you can’t force a belief – utterly true, but you can control (at least to some extent) factors that make this “full immersion” more likely, i.e., minimizing/eliminating “dead spots” (e.g., moving merely because the blocking requires it (see yesterday’s entry) or talking because I have a line now): “dead spots:” doing something w/out motivation. The more of these I can eliminate/minimize, the more “fully immersed” I become, or at least the door is open. In theatre, Truth = Belief (somehow), and these “dead spots” keep Belief (however it happens) from happening.

Rehearsal in the loft, Brooklyn, #4

Rehearsal Technique: General/Specific Insights/Principles

Wrote down the beats and objectives and kept these in mind while I explored.

Interesting – the text constrains the objectives/beats, the objectives/beats constrain my choices, and some of my choices have become quite external, i.e., I’m almost, at places, physically shaping the performance, using blocking, voice – esp. voice – to deliberately put contrast between critical phases.

Fascinating: at the most emotional part of the monologue (telling Zero of the murder), while still staying in touch with whatever emotions arise, I’m also exerting a great deal of control over the performance. I’m deliberately trying to infuse this part of the performance with external/theatrical considerations, i.e., emotional shift and contrast. Thank you Robert Lewis: acting is a craft.

Another critical lesion: All blocking/movement must be motivated. If at some point, the blocking becomes decoupled from motivation,

1. find motivation for the blocking
2. modify/eliminate non-critical blocking, e.g., what I did this morning. Again, the text is of great help in suggesting modifications, e.g., there are specific points he’s making to Zero (e.g., “everything was going along as usual”), and here it’s perfectly natural to look at/approach Zero before turning away to once again become immersed in the past.

Note: Need to use/develop good judgment here – radical changes in blocking can throw one’s partner off. Apart from blocking that cannot possible be changed (e.g., when Zero ask for a cigarette and Shrdlu says ‘certainly,’ I have to do it), definitely take risks, but be open to/sensitive to Dan or Ron’s concerns about the implications/consequences.

Rehearsal @ Impact Theatre

Rehearsal Technique: General/Specific Insights/Principles

The goal tonight was to “explore,” but instead, I “performed” and hoped instinct and intuition would guide me – it didn’t.

Tomorrow: explore – keep my intentions in mind as I work: think and improvise. This is what it means to explore.

I can perform, or I can explore, but I can’t do both.

Rehearsal Technique: General/Specific Insights/Principles

Dan made a very good point: the midpoint of a creation/rehearsal can be difficult, like a half finished painting: the work doesn’t look/feel like its beginning, and it is not yet finished

Lately, I’m getting tired and frustrated with my level of performance: trouble spots seem more difficult than I anticipated, and I don’t feel like rehearsing, giving it my all. My attention (too much of it anyway) has been on imaging how I’m not performing up to some expectation, and comparing myself to a couple of very good actors, seeing qualities of their performance that I wish I had, e.g., energy, focus, concentration, imaging that they’ve made a much better set of choices or are executing them much more competently . . .

            So what!

First, so what if they have? Many factors may be responsible for this:
- experience
- the character is a better fit for them
- raw, universe-given talent

Second, the lesson of this experience for me is
- to commit fully to whatever “choices” I’ve made, to be brave, to take a chance on 100%+ commitment.
- to continually search for a better set of choices: keep working Shrdlu, our scenes.
- let this experience give me greater powers of focus, concentration, and stage technique.

These are the “standards” I am to compare myself to -- these are my rehearsal goals. They are invariant to scene and character, time and place.

Finally, learn how to be my best in rehearsal and performance, what to focus on, and not worry or pay attention to how others are doing, comparing myself to them.

Solution:

Each day, before each performance/rehearsal, set specific “good-for-me” goals, i.e., rational goals that will make me a better actor if I honestly strive for them: don’t’ start any rehearsal w/out identifying some specific problems I want to work on, specific things I want to try. (This will help me from gong into rehearsal and trying to live up to a vague, general “image” of what I “should” be, based on some ideal or some other actor).

Striving for these specific goals, and for this whole approach, is vastly, infinitely more important than attaining them – work for them.

The rhythm – one day, one rehearsal at a time:
1. Set some goals,
2. work,
3. then just let it all go.

That’s all I have to do . . . and remember to breathe.

Insight: what’s happening to Shrdlu, what’s really happening to him in Elysium, is quite clear to anyone reading the play, so – what’s my job as an actor? It’s like, all my expectations have been violated. I can certaintly identify with that!

Now, my natural responses to Shrdlu’s given circumstances are almost the exact opposite of his. This character’s perspective, beliefs, responses to what’s happens to him is going to require a lot of imaginative substitutions/parallels to my own life. Just take it one step at a time and I’ll be able to fully empathize with this guy.

I've got some time off from rehearsal, so I'm doing some serious re-work on Shrdlu's first scene . . .

Shrdlu

My first overall approach was to use massive substitution to empathize with how I imagine Shrdlu’s mother and Dr. A. felt about the things he talks about in his monologue. A LOT of hard work! But really, I think the heart of Shrdlu is that he doesn’t, he never, really understood why these things (e.g., the book, adventure) were “bad,” “evil,” and why other things were “good” (e.g., church 3 times a day).

This interpretation comes from two sources: first -- Shrdlu. He gives no hint that he doesn’t understand what’s happened to him until he talks about the murder, and then it’s clear that, to him, the act just ‘came out of the blue.’ He makes no connection, the way the audience clearly does, between everything he talking about in the monologue and its climax, telling how he murdered his mother.

He simply accepts his mother’s and Dr. A’s ideology, and this is the second source: this is true of all the characters in the play – it’s what the play is about: people ‘not awake,’ not thinking, but rather simply, unquestioningly accepting the conventional wisdom. They are all living under ‘false consciousness,’ i.e., any belief, idea, ideology, etc., that interferes with an exploited and oppressed person or group being able to perceive the objective nature and source of their oppression.

So, the new choice is to simply defend a set of ideas (or convince Mr. Zero of their truthfulness) -- ideas and beliefs that he doesn’t understand, and here it is easy to find a parallel with my everyday experience: How often have I marshaled out arguments I haven’t really followed, parroted a position I haven’t fully explored, all for the sake of being right? I feel embarassed to admit this, and I think Shrdlu feels a bit embarassed when he tries, and fails, to make sense of his life.

This is definitely more ‘actable’ than what I was doing before, it ‘makes sense’ given the stance of the entire play (though I suppose that’s very debatable), and if Shrdlu is, in a sense, coming from this type of place, I can definitely understand how he feels, and I can see how he’s so lost, and why, and how just by simply ‘waking up,’ Shrdlu would really understand himself, see himself the way the audience does.

I think this is ultimately the point Rice wanted to make by writing the play – Daisy is simple, but she doesn’t have an ideology that’s a substitute for herself . . . so she can, and is, guided by love. Moreover, this love, for a moment, wakes Mr. Zero to what he really wants, who he really is . . . that is, until poor Mr. Shrdlu redefines reality for him.

Rehearsal in the theatre.

Rehearsal Technique: General/Specific Insights/Principles

When I feel myself 'closing-in' or shuting down/tensing up (body, voice), unless there is a clear text-based reason for this, RELAX and let WHATEVER I'm feeling come out. Let the energy out! (see the "Rule" in the June 15, 2004 entry, i.e., search for "2004.06.15").

More rules and observations

1. Directors direct some actors (like me) more than others -- do NOT resent this!. It means I have something to learn, and I am thankful for it.

2. Directors should avoid, as much as possible, letting an actor ‘flail around’ onstage, i.e., uncertain motivations, logics, etc. We need to more time to work to get on the same page, any page, concerning motivations and intentions.

3. Physical direction – can strongly suggest the mood, goals, pace of the scene. This relates to #1 above: look for the motivation in this type of direction, i.e., note how I feel when I move in a certain way, go with it, commit fully to it, see if works. If not, then I’ll be free to discard it.

4. Stage nerves and unfocused behavior – always have something to focus on, an inner ‘object of attention’ or an external object, preferably both. Don’t just stand there. Take my environment in, use it. Looking up and out will force me to stand tall and open and keep still – focus will help me to avoid unnecessary head and body movements.

What is acting?

Here’s part of the answer – it’s not just “simply” living on stage, responding, reacting. Theatre is an art. Its “theatricality” is its craft, i.e., it is selective, focused, and I think this is what Ron was trying to hammer home with #3 and #4 above.

Final Rule

Listening is most important when it is the most difficult: criticism.

Listen to what the director has to say and learn from it; don’t take it personally, don’t get DEFENSIVE. Just listen and acknowledge.
Don’t comment or apologize.

First rehearsal in the theatre

Rehearsal Technique: General/Specific Insights/Principles

Nice to be on stage – energizing.

Problem: At home, I’ve got the scenes memorized, but in the theatre, going full out, caught up in the moment, I lost track of blocking and lines.

These are the classic ‘cognitive load’ & ‘context dependent’ leaning issues, again. The environment is new, all the old environmental cues, i.e., the size/dimension of the space, the lighting; everything is different, I have to pay attention to new things (e.g., getting use to moving around in a new space): of course people go off their lines and blocking when they move from rehearsing in an apartment to rehearsing in a theatre, which is why there is real learning advantage in rehearsing and performing in the same space.

Tech rehearsal is another example of increased ‘cognitive load’ & a brief breaking down of ‘context dependent’ leaning. As a stage manager, I’ve seen it every time: people have their lines and blocking down cold, and then – tech rehearsal. They’re practically falling off the stage, running into each other, and skipping sections. Any director/company that doesn’t allow for at least one full tech rehearsal is asking for a rough opening night, and they usually get it.

Solution: Right now, I can ‘perform,’ or I can stay on my lines/blocking, but I can’t do both (‘dual task’ problem), so -- slow down. Make staying on my lines and blocking a priority. As I “get use to” the new space (i.e., critical features of the environment, the edge of the stage, for example, will gradually be automatically encoded by the cognitive-motor system, and I won’t have to pay explicit attention to them), I’ll gradually work back up to my usual full rehearsal-performance speed.

Also, working with the text in hand is definitely a skill – I see Maia and Brock seemlessly working with the script in hand, i.e., “acting,” pursing objectives, and picking up lines as they need them, all seemless. Just practice and be patient, and this will come.

Also, LISTENING! I’m not doing this. ALWAYS focus on and take in Mr. Zero – don’t just “hear” him, listen to him, put full attention on that when he’s talking.

Rehearsal in the loft, Brooklyn, #4

Rehearsal Technique: General/Specific Insights/Principles

It's not my job to be "good," to be "great." It's my job to be brave and not hold back.

Why am I in the graveyard?

What’s Shrdlu thinking just before appearing in the first scene?

I’m waiting to be punished, and to infuse all others with the reality of what’s to come. I’m here to preach, teach, instruct, but first – who is this new person?

Took two days (weekend) off from rehearsal, and it’s really seemed to help. Also, I was anxious about memorizing all the lines, so I focused on that this weekend, and I’ve made good progress, i.e., the final big chunks at the end of scene 1.

Also, more hunting for a coach, though nothing yet -- I think $$ for a coach will be better spent than voice @ Herbert Berghof Studios. I can always do voice here in the loft during the day, 20min each morning, just to increase my vocal stamina.

Shrdlu

Shifts and contrasts – at critical transitions (i.e., taking about the present to remembering the past), I seem to naturally shift from being an adult to more of a child. It’s also more clear what each wants from Zero.

Problems: During rehearsal at home, exploration really, these transitions happen quite naturally (at least some times), but at Ron’s place, in rehearsal with Dan, part of my attention/effort is going to trying to hit these transitions, and I’m finding it distracting, e.g., “oh – I forgot, at this point, he’s more child-like,” and the millisecond I think that, I’m out of the moment, aware that what I’m really trying to do is act, which is exactly what I’m trying to do when I think that, i.e., I’m not Shrdlu anymore, trying to get something from Mr. Zero, trying to communicate something, but rather I’m Christopher trying to “make” something happen . . . hummm. Ok, another classic mistake to learn to avoid.

Rehearsal @ Ron's appartment, Ocean Parkway

Rehearsal Technique: General/Specific Insights/Principles

Maia -- very nice: she finds contrasts and special 'moments.' As connect personally with each line/section/beat, this should start to happen . . . I hope.

Idea – when working, simply note parts of contrasting emotions/thoughts, and find the structure, the ‘inflection’ points or outright reversals

Shrdlu

He starts out in control and gradually opens up, and he finally ends up in a very different place then where he started. Are there special points that mark transitions, i.e., funny to sad and back again . . . ?

Rehearsal @ Ron's appartment, Ocean Parkway

Rehearsal Technique: General/Specific Insights/Principles

Problem: Anticipation! Just before the scene, I anticipated/imagined the ‘relationship’ or type of interaction I was going to have with “Mr. Zero,” and Dan gave me something completely different, and my attention went to that, i.e., I was not in the moment. Classic mistake

Solution/habit: get in the habit of approaching each scene ‘clean,’ i.e., anticipate nothing; take in everything, and don’t think, just respond.

First priority in rehearsal: commit fully to what is going on in the moment. Don’t play it safe – fuck it: if what I’m doing is alive and spontaneous, that’ll trump anything I’m trying or was planning to do.

Shrdlu

Daily workout:
1. Go through each scene twice, taking-it-off-the-page.
2. Each evening, just before bed, try to memorize 25% of each scene (or 12.5% of all my text), and start at the end (the part that’s usually under rehearsed, memory-wise).

One time: Let Shrdlu talk when he’s ready, about whatever he wants. This will probably be a monologue.

Rehearsal @ Ron's appartment, Ocean Parkway

Rehearsal Technique: General/Specific Insights/Principles

I was filling in other parts tonight – some of the characters say/do weird things, almost over-the-top. I started to feel uncomfortable – self-conscious about how I would look and what others would think.

Rule: if I feel “foolish,” uncomfortable – commit even more. Be more bold.
(I didn't feel (so) self-conscious or foolish then -- in fact, I felt much better. Committing fully gets the “choice” to stand on its feet where I can see it, and then it starts to become something real. The alternative – in fact the only alternative is to run and hide from it (i.e., withdraw/pull-back), in front of everyone, and that’s guaranteed to make you fall on your face).

Ron sometimes gives line readings and indicates. Rather than outright reject this, try it, inmate them, try to fit into them, to see where it goes and whether it helps. This is probably/maybe more helpful to a beginning actor (moi) than a more experienced actor.

Problem: voice and stamina. Solution: vocal warm-up (20min) before each rehearsal.

Shrdlu

Ron gave me some physical direction (smooth, calm movements) to go along with the intension (i.e. befriend Zero, get him to relax), but while paying attention to how I was moving, I lost track of my intentions, unsurprisingly, i.e., it's a dual-task with little experience/expertise in either.

(Possible) solution: need to avoid these dual-task smash-ups. Just like juggling – you throw 3 balls at someone, they’re going to drop them. Instead you start them with 2 balls, get the basic movement (one hand, one ‘jug’), and then when they’ve got that down, add in the third ball. This suggests that the thing to do/try is the scene first with the intentions/objectives, and then add in the movement – this may make it more likely that the movement will come naturally out of the intention.

Rehearsal was in Ron's appartment tonight.

As I've never really gone through a rehersal process (outside the two scenes I did with Johnny in Ted's private class), I'll try to break my observations up into rehearsal technique and character work (specific problems/triumps with Shrdlu)

Rehearsal Technique: General/Specific Insights/Principles

This early in rehearsal -- explore, don't perform (see Guskin, How To Stop Acting, p. 73-4).

Shrdlu
When I tell my story, see mother, Dr. Amaranth, the lamb, & include Zero in the scene.

I'm still taking-it-off-the-page, but I'm thinking too much after I exhale. Solution: train myself to breath in and out while taking in the line/phase/group of words (allowing it to hit me during this time), and then immediately say the line without thinking. I think my pauses come from losing contact with the text -- get into this rhythm of breathing, and I think that will help.